a little masterpiece

“for you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb."

- Psalm 139:13

… seven… eight… nine.

Nine tiny stretch marks that have begun to show on my thighs and the sides of my stomach. Three more have made their debut today. Now I’m up to twelve, with two more months of stretching and growing to go.

                        

My body is changing. Changing in small ways. Changing in big ways. It’s starting to feel uncomfortable. It’s also a little overwhelming at times. It’s also easy to compare myself with others and try to determine what is “normal” and what is not. To be honest, it’s been an area of struggle for me. 

I have constant outside reminders too. I’m amazed at how many people take it upon themselves to offer their opinion of my ever-changing body. Comments well-meaning people have decided to share with me, regardless of whether they are encouraging or not.

“Looks like your having a 10-pounder!”

“How much weight HAVE you gained?”

“Wow! You look SOOO big!”

To a first-time-baby-maker, one who is hard at work creating a little being inside of her… those words do not bring a whole lot of comfort.

They have brought fear and they have brought pain.

They have brought many tear-filled nights.

They have left a sting in the mind, with those words playing over and over again.

Those words have tried to move in and steal this moment in time. To kill the joy that new life brings. They have tried to take something so incredible and replace it with shame.

They have left me feeling like these changes are a bad thing.

Enough is enough.

It’s not my job to compare myself with others. And it’s not my job to concern myself with what others think. I have a big enough job to carry out right now… and it deserves all the energy and time I have to offer. 

     "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful

I know that full well."

- Psalm 139:14

Yes, there are changes happening to my body. Some I really, really don’t enjoy. Like heartburn and swollen feet. Aching muscles and having to roll myself out of bed in the mornings because I can no longer just sit up. Stretch marks and yes… the obvious and evident weight gain. I see it. I feel it. And I know others notice it.

But there are also changes happening that excite me. To be awakened in the early hours of the morning by not so tiny kicks and movements. To be so unbelievably tired as my body is busy working overtime. To be in total awe of the tiny masterpiece God is creating within me. To know that in a few short months, I will be meeting this little one for the very first time. And to be so blessed by the love of an incredible man holding my hand through these changes. 

"my frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth."

-Psalm 139:15

To simply take part in the miracle that is taking place in me.

And when the nurse places this precious one in my arms for the very first time… nothing else will matter. It won’t matter how much weight I have gained or how swollen I have become. It won’t matter that I have more stretch marks than I care to count. It won't matter what comments have been said. It won’t matter that my body will never be the same again.

I will be a mom.

It’s not about the outward changes… these nine months of growing are about what is happening on the inside. Yes, there are a lot of changes taking place. And there will be a lot more to come.

Mom’s are created in so many incredible ways… and I know this is just one. Each way comes with different challenges and unique changes. Down the road, I will hopefully have the privilege of growing another little one. However, this one I pray will grow in my heart through adoption.

God is creating a masterpiece within me… and in me. I am His precious masterpiece. He is moulding me and creating me. He is changing me and mending me. He is doing a great work inwardly and outwardly. It's nothing to be ashamed of.  

And what He is doing in me... He is doing in you. For all you mom's that have had children or are in the process of creating...

Know that you are SO beautiful both inside and outside.

The little life being created in you (tummy or heart) is amazing. 

And know that it matters not what others think or what you think of yourself. 

What matters, is how God sees you. And He has made you wonderfully. Just as He creates your little one... He created you with a purpose and a plan... 

You are His masterpiece. 

"your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be.”

-Psalm 139:16