rest for the weary

It's 12:42 in the a.m and my husbands snores are keeping me awake. 

He went to bed with a headache...not enough water. He's worn from a sunday of pouring out. He needs rest. He needs restoration. I let him sleep. 

And I find myself full of thoughts clawing to burst forth from the well I have kept them in. My mind races of all the things I need to get done this week. I write imaginary lists in my mind, to keep myself organized and on task of course:

report cards.... substitute plan.... wisdom teeth surgery... dishes... meet up with so & so... laundry (it's been a while)... ministry... ministry... prayer requests... ministry... remove the mattress we borrowed from my parents with our company was here... 

the list goes on and on... and I can't sleep. 

To be honest, I get anxious. Consumed by the relentless nagging of the "what-ifs" and "hows"... and then the lists come. A detailed response to an often scattered mind. 

I've been meaning to blog... for the past year that is. And tonight I find time... when I should be resting up for another week of 'endless-to-do's' in 'never-enough-time.' My mind is weary and I long for rest. The quiet to be brought up around my head so I can snuggle beneath i's cozy and comfort of safety. To know rest in my mind as well as my body. 

but....

Life is busy and it dictates that there is no time to rest. No time to quiet the thoughts swirling and twirling around as if my head was a snow globe. I long for the calm after the snow storm and I certainly don't like the chaos coming from all the shaking. 

So, where do I find that rest? Perhaps far off on an island in the Caribbean, where the glassy waters are so captivating and cool that you are drawn beneath it's waves for refreshment. 

I don't have time for a vacation. 

I don't have time for a break.

and I just haven't found that time to spend in the quiet with God. 

"Cast your anxieties upon him, for he cares for you" - 1 Peter 5:7

My husband shared that in his sermon. I sat through two services and I still didn't take a hint. I actually didn't want to listen to him because I know full well that is an area I struggle with. 

He argued that surrendering your worries, anxieties and troubles to the Lord was worship. 

I love to worship. I have enjoyed writing and singing songs that express intimacy with God.

Ministry... serving others and offering encouragement... also ways of worshipping the Lord with my life.

But giving up that which I hold? The pressures of life are bearing down on my shoulders. There is pain in my neck and back from attempting to stand tall even in defeat. I am weary and I am weak. I am without rest and it's draining me. 

I curl up under this thick and overpowering smog of worry and weight. It overwhelms my heart and snuffs out the fire in my soul. 

I am tired. 

I need to just let it go. 

Those catchy lyrics dancing upon the fragments of a less-than-perfect life. 

Let it go. Let it go. Can't hold it back anymore...

Release. Stop the struggle. Trust. and Worship. 

Because he cares for me... I am not just called or requested to, but demanded... commanded to cast my anxieties upon him.

cast [kast]: to throw (something) forcefully in a specific direction of someone or something. 

God desires me to forcefully throw all my struggle and concerns on him. Then I can rest in him. 

Rest in the knowledge that he is bigger than any circumstance, bigger than any struggle and bigger than any to-do list. 

to rest in his perfect love. And peace because he cares for you and for me. 

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