and you make me brave.

The song, "The Voyage" by Amanda Cook, has pretty much been on repeat for the past few weeks. It's my anthem for the new year and sums up the feelings that are beginning to emerge from deep within. It's a call, drawing me out of the fog...

Over the past few years, it has felt as though I've been surrounded by a fog... a haze that tries to cloud me and keep me from seeing clearly. Even though I know I haven't been on my own, I can't say that I've always felt the nearness of God. I haven't ever seen Him physically and I haven't heard His still small voice in a while.

Honestly, there have been many times, too many to count... where I stopped moving forward, and sat down to take a rest.. waiting and hoping for the fog to lift. Waiting for the path to be made clear once again. Waiting... waiting... waiting for direction and for doors to open.

So, this is trust. And it has been a season of growth nonetheless.

Moving forward one small step at a time. I'm often anxious, worried and unsure of what lays ahead. It's like stepping out into the unknown. I fear I may fall, trip or fall off the edge of the earth.

I know it's just been a season.. I have to keep telling myself. I just didn't know a season could last so very long. This season has become a journey of obedience, a walk of trust and a move of faith.

And I know without a doubt its for the next chapter in the journey ahead. The path that is becoming clearer with each passing day.

To press on despite overwhelming odds and mountains so high I can see their tops peaking above the clouds.

Fog or not, the journey is never easy.

I can make out a few shapes in the distant future, those mountains... probably valleys too. It keeps life...well, life. It isn't perfect, the journey requires obedience, trust and faith as it always has.

God has been there. Teaching me, guiding me and even carrying me at points.

God has been there. My back, my front and both sides, sheltering me from harm along the way.

And now that the skies are clearing... I can admit now that perhaps that fog was a blessing. Maybe I would have set up camp for good and just staying in my comfort zone if I could have seen what He was preparing me for.

Never venturing out to discover, create or explore.

Perhaps I would have been afraid to step out, knowing exactly what was ahead. I guess it's true... His ways are higher than ours.

Isaiah 55:8 says,
"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine."

But now that I can see a little bit more...I'm all the more excited for what's to come.

And terrified. Definitely anxious too.

I've been in that ever-long season of waiting. It's been almost five years of waiting. Trying to be patient and struggling to do so. Five years of wondering what God was doing, while I felt I was going nowhere fast. But now I am fast approaching this new season.

A season of learning to be brave.

I've just finished reading Let's All Be Brave, where ironically, author Annie F. Downs writes, "Don't move to Africa because it's brave. Move because it sounds like the most terrifying perfect next step for you."

Yep... pretty much sums up the upcoming year for me. I'm not sure how I can be both ecstatic at the thought of stepping foot on that beautiful, red-staining African soil once again...to breathe in deep the thick and sticky-sweet Ugandan air and worry about leaving the comfort of family & friends, with only my husband and year-old son at my side. But this is life. And I am learning.

One particular story in the book stood out to me. Downs mentions two missionaries I had never heard of, Johann Leonhard Dober and David Nitschmann. These two men felt called to reach the slaves in the Caribbean, and in order to do so, became slaves themselves. Now that takes guts! That takes surrender and that takes trust. Leaving not only family and friends, but giving up literally everything they had to become what the world viewed as nothing. That's brave and terrifying. And it's what God called them to do.

Brave:

/brāv/

ready to face and endure danger or pain

But it's also brave to pack up, store, and sell the things that have made our apartment a home. To lighten our load and make do with a little less... to say goodbye to family and friends and to welcome the unknown valley's and mountains that lay ahead with a brave face.

Not everyone understood Dober and Nitschmann's decision to follow the path that God's laid out for them and not everyone will understand why my husband and I are willing and ready to make the move to Uganda with our baby. All I know is that I can hear His voice calling... and it has been a constant reminder throughout these waiting-years that He has not forgotten what my heart beats for. So constant that it blurred together and became the fuel pushing me on, unbeknownst to me. As I prepare and process months before we leave (and months before everyone else, including my husband... it's how I operate), I can see God a little more in the waiting-fog and in the clear skies ahead.

But Annie is right, you don't have move to Africa to be brave. It's also brave to work hard at your job day in and day out. To be a part-time student or to be a new mom. Or to be single in a world of friends who are married. Or to wait as patiently as you can in your waiting-season or to trust the Lord for provision. Wherever you are, whatever the circumstance ... you have an opportunity to be brave.

To step out of the boat like Peter (still with anxiousness and uncertainty... you don't become brave overnight), but stepping out nonetheless.  Yes, he feared and he doubted, but he was the only one who got out and walked towards Jesus. He climbed overboard, out of his comfort zone and stepped into the unknown. Even when the waves came and took his eyes off Jesus for a moment... he was learning... Jesus was teaching him to be brave. He was preparing him for his life journey to come.

And I know that God is with me as he has been in the past.

Wherever life takes you or doesn't take you... know that he is directing and leading you on.
He is the wind in my sails... and the wind in yours.

Learn to be brave and follow.