Endless Transition & Thankfulness

This has been the craziest year yet in our life of seemingly endless transition. 

These days aren’t always easy as we navigate a whole lot of new things. Transitioning from 1 to 3 kids without time to prepare has been a crazy adventure. We’ve skipped the baby stage and now have a toddler and a 6 year old.

It’s all new.

It’s not always comfortable as we’ve muddle through emotional meltdowns and sleepless nights. As we've learned how to communicate using two languages, and keep connected while on separate continents with that awful time change. 

We are learning to share and make sure our arms are open a little wider, making sure everyone snuggles into their special place. In this growing family of ours, where each week presents a new challenge, stage or understanding, we are beyond blessed. 

Blessed our family has grown by two.

Blessed we are learning how to love a little harder each day. 

Blessed God has turned our loss of one little babe into the joy of two.

There are these moments of such intense beauty, my heart can’t take it. And I want to sob beautiful-ugly tears. Those moments where the Lord whispers “I’m re-writing stories.” 

And that includes mine. 

His whispers hover over my heart in the midst of chaos and the daily grind.

“From what was so very broken, I’m creating so much beauty. From that deep pain, I’m transforming into joy. From aching to comfort, and loneliness to love. Those scars and marks are there and they cannot be removed. They are the undercoat. They were the starting point. They are crucial but not the end. That's not how this story will finish. That’s not how this story will be defined.”

Today, I'm caught off guard. And I'm inwardly grieving the loss of their mother as I’m simultaneously am filled with joy.  I can't imagine the pain they feel inside. It's only been 5 months. I wish I had a chance to meet her. To be able to share memories and pass on her stories. To have more than one picture to show them.

It's hard to process. 

But today, I'm making a little more time. 

More time for the weight of that sorrow and joy to just be.

To hold both in my hands and breathe. 

These wounds are so very fresh. And yet, somehow God has re-woven our stories to become one. In the everyday happenings of toddler tantrums, language learning, snuggles, sleepless nights and daily living, I sometimes forget the incredible story that is being written here. Written right before my eyes. 

I get a front row seat. 

As Thanksgiving approaches, I'm completely overwhelmed with gratitude. From sorrow to joy, this family of ours is being transformed through all the transition, the separation, the loss, the grief and the intense aching. 

And as we continue to grow in love and become family, I take a deep breath and thank God for the immensely generous gift of love he has brought into our home. 

And God. 

You are such a good, good father.